An Open Letter to Ted Haggard

Hi Everyone,
We wanted to get this letter distributed far and wide. Please feel free to distribute it on
your email lists, post in in your blogs, letters to the editor in your papers etc. The only stipulation is that you pass it on as it is without adding to or taking away from it.

Ted Haggard is not just a former student from a religious school but he coerced many young people to go to religious schools. We would be ignoring our responsibility as an outreach/support organization if we didn't make attempts to reach out to him. I once said the same things he has said about gay people.

Marc Adams

An Open Letter to Ted Haggard

November 2006

Dear Ted,

There comes a time in every man's life where his true character is allowed to show. I've never met you but from the events over the past years of your life, it would be safe for me to say that this is your time.

Struggling with being gay is nothing new. In fact, for millions of people around the world, through every place and time, people have struggled to understand their homosexuality.

The most common reaction to this fight is to find something to blame for the struggle. As a former fundamentalist Baptist Christian, I struggled for many years as a young gay man. I was taught that my family structure, coupled with my inability to resist Satan was the cause for my giving in to homosexuality.

It was much easier for me to find something to blame my homosexuality on than to look into my heart and find that being gay was as much a reflection of my true self as my sister's heterosexuality was a reflection of her true self.

This is your moment for you to show your true character; to stand and be a real man and learn how to accept yourself and respect yourself as you are.

Reparative/restorative therapy does not work. You can convince yourself, your family and friends that you have changed your behavior over time. In fact, you can manipulate your brain enough to actually believe that your faith in God will help you with overcoming what you view as a sin.

Your own personal history has already shown that regardless of your faith, regardless of your desire to be a heterosexual and regardless of your attempts to build a heterosexual life, you are not a heterosexual.

Discovering that is not a reason for sorrow, remorse or shame. Rather, it is a time to reflect, count your blessings and find a way to move into a place of self acceptance.

You may want to try reparative/restorative therapy since it has already begun for you. But keep in mind as you go through the process, that while your family, church, accountability partners and others may not see your reality, every single person who has ever struggled to find a place of self acceptance knows exactly what you are going through. We know what it is you will be thinking about when you are alone. We know how easy it is to think about ending your life rather than moving into a place of self acceptance.

Believe it or not, your struggle, and the recent events regarding your removal from religious leadership can be the catalyst that allows you to be a real man and stand for what you know in your heart has always been true and real for you.

Instead of continuing the charades and duality in your life (yes, many of us have lived that way as well), you can begin your life anew. A life lived honestly and with confidence is the best life to live.

Forgiveness for your past of deception and your deadly anti-gay words is fairly easy to come by. But you have to take that first step, which is honesty.

You are not alone.

Over the past ten years, HeartStrong has helped many hundreds of people who have attended religious schools like yourself. And, we are here to help you now.

Your friend on the journey,

Marc Adams
marcadams@heartstrong.org